Establishing Communal Superiority

In this section, we look at how joining similar others constitutes a destigmatizing resource and a support for members with withdrawal behavior to engage in the marketplace. We explore how discourses pertaining to the community, fuel communal practices that distance the community from stigma. Community members report how societal and marketplace stigma not only makes them feel rejected but also isolated from others. This isolation contributes to eroding their resources to interact with the marketplace. Being with fellow sufferers reduces feelings of marginalization, and fosters individual integration. Being with similar others allows for the creation of a collective identity, which enables resource sharing.

According to Coskuner-Balli & Thompson (Coskuner-Balli & Thompson, 2013, p. 31) Group identity enables social networks to circulate various resources including the emotional and the material ones. Also as discussed in the literature review isolation constitutes the basis for disempowering the stigmatized and reducing their status.

Overall, members perceive the community not only as a safe and caring group that is kept stigma free, but also as a legitimate marketplace expert. Joining similar others extends these communal attributes of competence of the group to its members. The group strives to gain a collective understanding of the issue. Active members’ collaboration to support the

stigmatized sheds light on the group’s proficiency. It helps associate the community with attributes of competence. These provide the group with the necessary legitimacy to challenge the stigma.

These practices help deconstruct the stigma elements that we conceptualized in our literature review. Through joining similar others, community members feel empowered as they are no longer isolated. Being with similar others allows them to create new norms of fat

acceptance that lay the basis for reframing their status. They are able to acquire shopping skills through the community transfer of expertise. This helps them increase their shopping performance and get good outcomes. Through demonstrations of fashion mastery they are able to increase their social status. They also engage in discourses that put down the stigmatizer and raise their status by positioning them as more skilled and open minded for example.

a. Integrating the isolated in the nonthreatening community.

Several of our members discuss how marketplace and social marginalization make them feel isolated. First, these feelings derive from the lack of availability of marketplace fashion offerings that fulfill their needs. Second, They feel that their consumption hardship is neither shared nor understood by their social environment. In addition to isolation, our members describe how unsafe they feel. Several explain how they have to face stereotype threat when they encounter the marketplace. Many describe how attempts at sharing these difficulties with others, exposes them to potential stereotyping. For example, some members discuss how their acquaintances are shocked when they discover which size they wear. This makes them feel threatened and pushes them to avoid sharing their deviant marketplace difficulties. Feelings of threat and the isolation fuel their marketplace withdrawal and reduce their chances of success.

This situation is however altered once they join VLR.

The community offers a safe environment where the stigmatized are encouraged to engage in self-disclosure without generally feeling threatened by others’ reactions. For instance, many of them describe that the community fosters feelings of safety and being understood. For them, it constitutes a unique space where they are able to discuss their sensitive stigma related sufferings and marketplace challenges without risking being stereotyped. For example, several members discuss topics relating to their childhood hurts and their self-rejection. We found several accounts of members explaining how they

pretended accepting their bodies in the social world. They explain that the communal space is the only one where they can disclose their self-rejection and where they can expose their real self. Also, we were able to notice that self-disclosure is fueled by members and often happens in a collective manner. Typically, in a desire to vent a negative feeling, one member would initiate a discussion about the underlying sufferings. This pushes other members to disclose similar experiences and fuels a self-disclosure dynamic. Seeing members self disclose has

desinhibitory benefits and encourages new members to expose their stigma related challenges with the marketplace

Several members agree that this feeling of safety however, cannot be generalized to other communities that support fat acceptance. Vlr is unique because it has defined one of its norms as being judgment free and accepting of deviant discourses. This norm is not only enforced by administrators who strive to monitor the discussions but also by members who act a guardians of this norm and who rush first to enforce it when a member engages in stereotyping. Sometimes in case of disagreement about whether a message is discriminatory or not, members would enter intracommunity negotiations to further define this norm. Their objective is to make the environment as inclusive as possible of stigma targets regardless of their overweight level. In one of the discussions, for example, members were negotiating whether stigma accounts of nonoverweight members can be offensive to obese members. This norm enforcement allows this community to be uniquely high on safety when compared to other online communities discussing similar issues. Following, are accounts from Céline that explains the uniqueness of VLR in terms of safety and impact on reducing feelings of

isolation. She explains:

So, here I go, I have been following you for some time now from far…

I have never contributed to forums. I am kind of shy… but I have been looking for a space where I could feel good. I relate so much to what I have been reading here… I am not obsessed with my weight or my physique. Most of the time it’s others who remind me of it! But also when I go shopping or read a magazine. However, here I am reading a lot of sincerity and most of all many things that I would have liked to be able to say, things that I do not dare say because I have the impression to be the only one to think them or to live this way… Well, I hope that I would be able to actively participate to your discussion to share with you my joys, my questions, my doubts my sorrows and also to bring my help and my support, even some advice if I can…

Connecting with similar others and getting feedback on the lived distress, makes members feel less isolated and belonging to the community. Many of them discuss that they feel they are the only ones experiencing this challenge. This is coming from the lack of self-disclosure of the overweight in their social environment. This is enforced by the communal availability 24/7 that provides the space to members to vent their suffering at the exact time when they are ready. This attribute is unique to the online setting of this community. It also

validates their shared suffering and improves their well-being. It helps them increase their sense of self-worth. Their posts get attention from other members who show a high level of empathy towards their suffering. Receiving members’ encouraging responses not only makes participants feel worthy, but also fuels socialization. As most community members share similar experiences with stigma, they are able to empathically understand the challenges that a situation may represent.

In fact, during our data analysis, most of the replies of initial posts start with words like “me too,” “ I faced the same thing,” and “ I suffered from a similar family, are we sisters?” Members find stories that echo their own lived experience. This reinforces the sense of belonging to the community and reduces feelings of isolation. Sometimes, bonds between members evolve and strengthen over time. Indeed, some of them are able to make friends and to organize face to face get-togethers.

b. Transferring the stigma expertise

Our data analysis shows that many of the stigmatized have abandoned seeking fashion as they lacked expertise on how to engage in stigma related consumption. Several of our members describe the complexity of finding clothes that make them look the way they want.

This comes from poor marketplace offerings pertaining to their category and to their body shape. Not knowing how to dress nor where to find the garments that best suit them

sometimes leads them to fulfill the stereotypes held against them. For example, an overweight consumer that seeks to enhance her looks through fashion may end up wearing colors or graphics that make her look disproportionate or enhance some of her body parts that she seeks to hide. In our data analysis, we found that overweight members often have some specific areas of their body that are more stigma related. Many of our members report feeling self conscious, for example, about their belly, their chest or their legs. They report wanting to use fashion to drive attention away from these areas. Through our data analysis, we were able to observe that this requires an extensive knowledge on body shape, colors, garments etc.

Lacking this expertise may lead these consumers to unwillingly emphasize the body parts that make them feel most uncomfortable. This reinforces their feelings of failure as consumers.

Also, many of our members report suffering from a distorted body image. This means that some of them may see themselves as bigger or smaller than their actual size. Following is an excerpt from Amanda’s posts where she explains how her lack of knowledge of her body

hinders her shopping. She describes the negative consequences of this lack of knowledge, not only on her consumption habits, but also on her self-esteem. She explains:

This Sunday brings existential questions to my mind.

I was wondering if you all know what you look like. I mean from a morphological/ shape standpoint. What suits us or not, etc… It is getting harder for me to dress. There is a whole world between what I like and what suits me (or instead what I think suits me…) and if I add that I do not find my size nor things I like nowhere or they are too expensive… I have very little self confidence, and it’s going even lower. I restrain myself to used dresses, leggings, sports shoes, no hair done because “anyways I have reached such a level of neglect”… so I feel even worse.

The community acts as a knowledge base that supports competence acquisition. It constitutes a space where members combine and share the stigma related proficiency that they have developed through interacting with the marketplace. Community members provide accounts of their positive and negative experience. This evaluation, helps reduce marketplace threat for members. It encourages them to visit stores that are friendly to their category and helps them avoid stores where other members have encountered prejudice. Also, the community supports its members in evaluating their body type (pear, apple, pyramid, inverted, eight…). Then based on this understanding, they advise which types of garments, colors, shapes would fit best. For example, Carine provides advice to a member who stopped wearing dresses:

… I understand you problem… however it’s too bad that you stop yourself from wearing a dress! Rolling Eyes. I think (and that’s just me), that you should bring attention on your upper body. For example, by wearing colors, patterns or showing your shoulders. I thought about this dress: link. I love it! The color contrast enhances the upper body (white +pattern) whereas the lower body is slimmed by the dark blue. The dress falls right at knee level or even a little lower ( the model is tall -1,75m-) the cut is shaped A which is perfect for the hips. What do you think? If I tell you this, it’s because I find that many of us need practical advice!! Me first, because I would like to learn to enhance myself and to be more feminine. But it’s hard to do it by myself and relooking sessions are outrageously expensive!

The community is not only a database of stigma related knowledge. Members also offer individual support for members to guide them towards body shape understanding,

finding the right stores, and products. Members are able to post pictures of their outfits and get customized feedback. In some instances, they can benefit from the professional expertise of some members. For example, Caroline, who works as a sewer willingly shared her

expertise about which garments and cuts were most appropriate for the overweight. This gathering of knowledge and expertise is unique and hard to match by a single marketplace actor.

Leveraging the community to acquire this knowledge helps members become successful consumers. It also contributes to reduce stereotyping. The experience of Annie offers a good illustration of this dynamic. Here, she shares her strategy to develop her own body understanding. She says:

Since I got over fitting room issues, I do the same thing! Laughing. I get in with 15 hangers and come out with 3, and after I add

accessories Wink. I go by myself. The picture system helped me understand the problematic areas in my body (my belly more than my behind). I know what will hide some part and bring attention

elsewhere (the waist for example). It’s also good to take into account feedback from partners/ friends/ siblings/ colleagues etc. Nobody will ever tell me “oh your shirt hides very nicely your big belly, it’s great!” But I hear “oh you are so cute today!” this means that I did well in picking my outfit

c. Recovering the lost status of the stigmatized

The marginalization imposed by the marketplace confers on the fat feelings of inferiority compared to other consumers. Several of our members discuss how they feel diminished when interacting with society and the marketplace. For example, this happens when they go shopping with their regular sized friends whose marketplace experience is more rewarding. This inferior status resonates with stigma literature that discusses the social status loss of the stigmatized (Link & Phelan, 2001)

Our data shows that the community helps overcome these feelings of inferiority. One way they do it is by putting down the stigmatizer. Community members collectively condemn marketplace actors that cause prejudice to the fat. They challenge their competence, and vent their anger against how they marginalize them. These could be individuals, but also stores, brands and/or companies. This sometimes concerns the industry’s highest status iconic

consumers such as fashion models. Here, Anais tries to restore the lost status of a member who feels inferior compared to thin females in her surroundings:

…You say that there are many cute and slim girls around you. I turnaround the situation and say that there are many slim handsome boys. So if we introduce one of them to the VLR community, he may only attract 5 percent of the girls here. Others will not find him charming and will pass. If you take the TOP 2012 of the most

handsome men of the show business, half of them will not attract you.

Even if we are talking here about the most handsome men according to the show-business criteria. You know, beauty….

Another way the community contributes in raising its members’ status is through positioning themselves as superior. Several discourses celebrate how VLR members are more aware, tolerant and knowledgeable than the “others”. For example, many discussions,

challenge the attractiveness of women in magazines and explain that men prefer women with curves. These discourses help them circumvent the low status conferred by their stigma, and to consequently increase their status. Their collective celebration of communal superiority helps them distance themselves from stigma centrality. This resonates with the work of (Coskuner-Balli & Thompson, 2013) whereby at home fathers sought to elevate the status of their collective identity to gain social recognition. In this case however, the overweight’s main objective is not to strive for social recognition but to destigmatize through achieving self-acceptance by raising the status of their group. (Crocker, 1999) explains that the collective perception of the stigmatized group position in the social hierarchy affects self-stigma and self-esteem. Following are accounts from Marilyne that explains:

I am new to the forum, and I very well know your problem. I also have a hard time accepting my curves, even if they are not very prominent. It’s also because I have very slim friends that are size 34-36. I don’t know how to reassure you, but I shall still try. Especially, that I am also going through a phase where I learn to accept myself.

First, you say that you are size 40 or 42. Don’t worry, most French women wear this size. You are not at all fat and ugly. Believe me! And I confirm what Sandy says about size 42.

Then, you say that you do not dare go shopping with your friends. I understand that being surrounded by slim girls, makes it hard to go shopping. But believe me, I already heard comments from my friends who envied my breasts and my curves. They felt flat chested.

Unfortunately, our society values thinness. Sometimes, it makes me feel down. However, in these moments, I tell myself:

- that my curvy body is more feminine than the photoshopped models - that my curves as not as horrible because I get looked at (it makes me feel uncomfortable sometimes, but they are not mocking looks) - that men like women with curves, shapes more than bone bags.

- that everyone can be beautiful if they feel good!