Belonging

According to Swim and Thomas (2006), the need to belong incorporates the desire for affiliation with others. This includes forming relationships through positive interactions. The need for affiliation constitutes the most basic need and encompasses the above discussed four social goals (Fiske, 2009). Our data shows that many members felt rejected by their social environment. This happens, as discussed in the previous results chapter, through

discriminatory comments regarding their bodies but also insisting looks in instances where they consumed high calorie food, or practiced sports. Many members report that this feeling of exclusion was also nourished by doctors that stress that they are outside of the normal range from a BMI standpoint. In this regard, literature has discussed how health professionals, even those specializing in obesity, hold strong weight bias and adversely stigmatize their patients(Schwartz, Chambliss, Brownell, Blair, & Billington, 2003). This results in obese patients delaying medical treatment and exposes them to medical problems and high health care expenditures.

Participants also felt rejected when they attempted to engage in mainstream marketplace practices, such as, following fashion or dressing in a feminine way. Many of them report being marginalized, as they were unable to find clothes that fit their bodies in most of the stores. These ongoing negative interactions challenged their need to belong and made many of them limit or avoid such social and consumption experiences. Multiple experiences of

rejection by the outside environment often result in self-rejection. Adele explains how her attempts at self-acceptance are constantly hindered by the various discriminatory experiences.

Hello everyone, it has been a while now that I feel good in my skin, I am slowly learning to accept my body. But little stuff like: not finding my size (Great), a weird look, a comment from a family member brings back doubts, It makes me think “ am I really pretty?” “ I don’t like my thighs”, “ I have too many stretch marks”” I don’t like my arms” “ they may be right after all”. I feel I am becoming

crazy!!!!!!!! But above all that I am making a step ahead and two backwards, also it is a vicious circle. Because being depressed makes me want to eat, and there, I gain 4 kilos!

I want nothing and nobody to hinder my objective, but am I too sensitive to others evaluation? I am wondering whether we can truly become insensitive and completely careless about their attitude??

Help me girls!

Several of our members report that failing to accept oneself results in self-rejection.

This is associated with a self-exclusion from the surrounding environment and the

marketplace. For example, many report avoiding shopping with friends and getting involved in the fashion arena. Natasha provides accounts of how experiences of exclusion drove her to withdraw.

Hello, for me too, my overweight is somehow a handicap. I don’t dare do or wear some things. For example, I find that some garments don’t look good on me (a dress or a skirt above the knee) whereas I dream of wearing one… This makes me feel bad in my body and I isolate myself from others especially from men. I try to overcome this but it’s not easy.

Regarding this goal, several of our members report how the community helped them change their coping strategy from avoidance to engagement. The community makes them feel that they belong to the marketplace through showing them where they can find clothes that fit their size and style. In this regard, Amanda explains how she had given up looking for clothes to fulfill her feminine identity, since she had many negative experiences of not finding what she was looking for. She reports that the community helped her get hold of the offering available at her size and taste. This made her go from wearing a limited number of clothes all year long to exploring new stores. She explains how this change resulted in a positive

feedback from her mother and spouse.

Hello, my name is Patty and I suffer from the buying fever because of VLR (or THANKS to VLR!).

When I joined in 2004, I did not dress well… I wore what I found and I did not find much, because I had stopped looking. I could not find anything, so I ended up giving up.

I was wearing large, shapeless and black clothes that belonged to Mrs. crow. Sometimes (rarely) a garment stood out (thanks to the designer René Derhy that was among the first to understand that it was possible to dress big girls).

One day, I come here and what do I see? Clothes my size? Real ones?

With cuts, shapes and colors? Oh, Does it exist?

So practically from one day to the next, the one that used to wear almost the same thing all year long started digging (Torrid, Yours Clothing, mail-order, hypermarkets, stores…) and my wardrobe filled up nicely. It made my husband and my mom very happy! (she adores clothes, she’s is size 40/42 so things are more simple for her!) Now, buying clothes has FINALLY become pleasurable and that makes me feel good! (but it’s not the case for my bank account, although it’s ok, I don’t overspend! Well not too much)

And since some time, I started relooking my man, who is also oversize!

This feeling of inclusion fostered by the community was quite evident in consumers’

descriptions as in the following excerpt from Estelle. She explains how the community helped her feel like any other human being. She went from purchasing only the necessary clothing, to finding pleasure and getting highly involved in picking an outfit. She describes that before VLR, dressing was associated with negative feelings, but after becoming a member it became associated with positive feelings.

Hello my name is Estelle and I am addicted to clothes.

Like all of you, before VLR, I purchased clothes when I found something my size. My main concern was to cover my body. There was no enjoyment in these harassing desperate Saturday afternoons where I used to chase the necessary. I think at the time if I was not uncomfortable with other’s looks in the streets, I would have lived in blankets where I would cut three holes and add a rope around my waist.

Now, shopping has become hedonic and not functional anymore.

Although … isn’t it functional to feel like any other human being? I love to have a lot of choice… as would any other girl in size 40/42. Of course I buy a lot by mail-order (although lately I have discovered the pleasure of in-store purchasing) I have managed to convince myself that it’s a lifestyle. I buy many things by mail, so why not clothes? I love the Santa Claus effect of the mailman.

Even worse, I contribute to spreading the shopping disease: I love sharing my tips, I post my pictures and links on my blog. VLR gives me links to stores, and has also thought me how to find them on my own. I am not a compulsive buyer. I enjoy looking for specific clothes and accessories to “build” an outfit, for a special occasion or

because it’s a style that I have in mind. I am a bit of a collector.

Before I took what I found. Now I find what I want. The difference is huge for me. And for me, I enjoy a lot” looking”.

The problem is that I need to change my clothes often… I have around 30 items that need to go to the BAV (the secondhand space in VLR) but I feel lazy…

In this section, we aim to identify the role that the community plays for consumers adopting a withdrawal coping strategy. These people have been rejected by the marketplace and chose to distance themselves from it. They evaluate their interaction with the marketplace as threatening and hence adopt an avoidance coping strategy. We find that the community can help these consumers engage back in consumption. It supports them to perceive the

marketplace as an opportunity and adopt an approach coping strategy. The community acts as a change agent that alters consumers’ marketplace evaluation from a threat to an opportunity.

Here, we use some of the concepts from goal theory to explain how this shift happens. We explain that the community alters marketplace evaluation in terms of five fundamental human needs. These include the self-enhancement need, the need to trust, the need to understand, the need to control and the need to belong.