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COPING STRATEGIES AND INTERVEIVTIONS TO HELP STUDENTS THROUGH THE GRIEF PROCESS IN THE K-I2 SCHOOL SYSTEM:
A PRACTICAL PLAN
by Gary Gale, B..A.., H.Ed.
Apaperfoliosubmittedto theSchool a/GraduateStudies inpanialfu/fi/lmem a/therequi rementsforthe degreeof
Mast erof Education
Faculty or EduealioD Memorialllo ivenity ofNewfouDdlaod
March 1998
St.John's Newfoundland
.+.
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TABLE OFCONTE~
Abstract•••••••••• •• •••• • ••• •••• •• •• •• •••••••••• • • • ••••••••••••••y Adul owl edgmea. tI ••••• •••• •••••••••••• • •••••••••••••••• •••• •••• vii Dedieatioa••• ••••• ••• •••••••••• •••• •••• • ••••••• ••••• •• •• •• • • •••viii Us«ofFipres••••••• •••• • •••••••••• • ••••• •••••• • ••••••••• •."•••il;
Chapter Oee : Overview
Ratioaale•••••••• • • •• ••••• • •••••• • ••• •••••• •• ••••••••••••••2 Statementof Purpose••• •••••• •••••••••• • • • • • • • • • • • •••• •• •• ••4 ChapterTwo - PaperODe:Theoreticalexplaaati oa sof&rief aDd
models ofgriefresOIDtiOD
latrodac:tioa••••••••••• ••• •••.• • • •••••• •• ••• •• ••••••• ••• ••10 Psyd oan aJytic ••••••• •••••• •••••• ••• • • •••••• •• •• ••••••• • ••11 Behavio ral•• ••• ••••• •• •• •••• •• ••• • ••••••••• • • • • •••• • • • • • • •IS DnelopmeatalTheo ry•••• ••• •••••• •••• •••• ••• •••••••• ••••••IS RemiDder Theory•• •••••• • • •.•• •••••• • • ••• • •• • • ••• ••••••• ••20 WebTheory ••• • •• •• •••••••• •• ••••••• •• •••• • •• •• •• •••• •• ••20 Systems Theory •• •••••••••••••••• • ••.••••••• • • •••••• ••••••21 Crisis laterveatioDTheory ••••• •• •• ••.••••••••• •.••••• ••.•..23 Modelsof Grief ResolatioD•.• • ••• •••••••••••••••• • ••• •••• •• •26 Sommary•• •••• •••••••• • • .••••••••••••••• •••••••• •• •• •••••19
Chapter Three· PaperTwo:How to dealwiththe death of a studentinthe K-lZsystem:Intervention strategiesand guidelines
Introduction•••••••••• • • • •••• ••••.. .•••• ••• ••••••• •• •••• ••33 AnEclectic Penpective•••••• ••••••.••••••••• ••.••••••••. .••33 Howto Ten ChildreD/Adolescents AboutDeath•• • •• •••• • •••• • ••35 SettinglAtDlosphereto Ten ••• • ••• •• ••••••• • •••••.•• • • ••• • •••41 Touch•• • • ••••• •••••••• •••••.••• ••••• • • • •••••• •.•.•• • •• ••• 42 MaintaiD.Structure andRoutiDe, butbe Flexible••••. • ••• •••••••43 RecognizeaDdRespectCultural Beliefs••••• • •••• •• •• • • •••..••43 Participationinthe Funeral••••.••• • • • • •. ••• • •••• •••• ••••• ••44 Viewing the Body•••••••••••••• •••• •••••••••• •••••• • •••••••47 Memorializing and Remembering ••••• ••••• • • •••• ••• • •• •••• ••48 AllowChildren and Adolescents toExp ressas Mueh
Griefas Possible••••••••••.•••••• •• •••• •••• ••• • • •••••••••• •50 DeathEducation ••• • ••••• • •• ••• •• •••••• ••• • ••• ••••••• •• •••.52
MakeReferralsto SupportivePeople 54
Use ofa Team Approach•. ..••• ••••• • •••.••••••••••• •.•• ••••55 PenonalExperiences•••••••• ••••.•.•••.. .••.• .• •••••.•.•••.59 Snmmary••••••••• • • •• •.•• • • • • ••••• • •• . •• •• •••••••• •• •••• •62
iii
Chapter Four· PaperTbree:A practical plan for dealingwith the deatb ofa student inthe K·12 school system Intr od ucti oa •••• ••••••••• •••• • • ••••••••••• ••••.•••••• • •.• •66 SessionI
Warm-up Activity(Case Sceaario) •.•••• ••• • ••••••• • • • .69 InterventioaPyramid .• ••• ••••••••••.•••• ••• • •• •.• ••.71 Death Education•• • •• ••• ••••• •••• ••• • • •• •••••• • •••. •.72 Recogaitioo and Respect Cultural BeUefs••• ••• •..••••••.80 SessionII
A Team Approacb••.•••• ••• •• • •.•• • •••• •• •••.•••.••. 81 Sessioam
Bow to TeDChildren/Adolescents AboutDeath•••••• •••••86 Allow ChildreolAdolesceols to ExpressAsMuch GriefAsPossible••••••••••-...••••••••••• •••••.•• ••.•• •89 Guidelines forSapportiveIIJdividuals•• •• ••••••. ••• • .•••90 Touch ••••••• • •••••••••• •• •• ••• •• • ••• •••• • •• • • ••••••90 Maintain Structure and Routine••• •••• • •••••••••.•••••91 ParticipationInthe Funeral•••• • •• •• •• ••••••• •••••••• .91 MakeReferralsto Other Supportive People•• •••• ••••••• . 92 Summary •••••••• ••••• •• ••••••••..•••••• ••.• •.•....•93 Resource List •••• • •. .• .• •.• •• •• ••••••... ••••• ••••....•....94 References••••••••• • ••••••• •• •••• ••• ••••••••• • ••••••••••• 107 Appendices.••••• ••• ••• • •••• •• ••••••••••.••• ••••• ••••••••115
ABSTRACT
The death of a young child or an adolescent is consideredto be devastating for all of those involved.Therefore.support systems are vital in facilitating griefworkwith the child and the adolescent. One such support system that should playa major role in dealing with the death ofa student is the K-12 school system. No doubt major studies are occurring in the area. however, in spite of these efforts more work needs to be done and our schools needtobemore proactive ratherthanreactive in their approach.This can be donebyincluding death education as part of the regular curriculwn andby training educators and significant others to help children and adolescents through the grief process.
Chapter one of this paper folio provides an overview of each folio as well as the purpose and significance of each.
Chapter two provides theoretical explanations of grief and models of grief resolution. This helps provide grief workerswitha conceptual frame of reference from which to work.
Chapter three represents an eclectic approach, based on theory and practical interventions to help students through the grief process, in particular the initial phase, in the K-12 system.A detailed list of intervention strategies and guidelines is provided.
Chapterfour uses theinformationpresentedinthetinttwo paperstopresent a manualor practicalplantodealwith the gricfthataccompaniesthe deathofastudentin the K-12system.
CoUectivcly.thispaperfolioprovideseducatorsandot:bcrsignificant individuaJs thatworkwithstudentsintheK-12system. valuableinformationtohelpinthegrief processwhenthettagicdca1bof astudentoccun.
vi
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
I would like toacknowledgeaUthose who providedsupport.,guidanceand valuable infonnatioo inthedevelopment ofthispaperfolio.Inparticular,lwouldIilce 10thank
Dr.NOrmaJIGuti~Professor . Faculty ofEducaIion. Memorial University of Newfoundland. St, lohn's,Newfoundland, forhismeo.torship anddedication to this proj ect.
Dr.GleDq Sheppard,Professor,FacultyofEducation.MemorialUniversityof Newfoundlan d. St John ' s, Newfoundl and, forallof theinformationand counselling tips heprovided me duringmypracti cumandfor giving me theinspiration andcourage todealwiththis difficult topic.
Dr. Lbub Pbillps.AssistantDean.Faculty of Education. Memorial University of Newfoundland. Stlohn's, Newfoundland, for her eaccuragemenrtofinishthis project.
Aspecial thank you to the support staff:Dot,ReDeeandTiD_forallof their help.
A special thankyou to my wifeSandra andourtwodaughtersAlisoDand AnDette fortheirpatienceandsupportthroughoutthe master'sprogram.
DEDICAnON
Idedicatethispaperfolio tothe&Demoryofmytwobrothers:Suter.tngicaJly killedinAIbc:Itain198 0.andAIbnt,whodiedsuddeodyinTorontotareeyearsago.
Bothbadgreat potentialand diedwhileinthe 'prime'of their lives.Thisundertaking helped meworkthrough my grief asa result of their deaths .
viii
LIST OF FlGURES
Figure 1: PhaseslStages of GriefResolutioo... .... ...21
Figure2: Intervention Pyramid. . ..11
Figure 2.1: Perceptionsof Death By Age .7'
Figure2.2: Phases/StagesofGriefResolutioo ....18 Figure 2.3: Tragic Events Response Team ... . .81 Figure 2.4: Tragic Events Support Wheel .. ...82
Figure 2.5: Peer CounsellingModel... . ..84
Figure2.6: GriefSymptoms,Children/Adolescents .. . 89
ix
CHAPTER ONE
Overview
RATIONALE
Until two centuries ago thedeath ofa newborn baby was an acceptedhazardof childbirth and the survivalofthc child beyond thetimfewyears oflifewas regarded as somethingof a phenomenon{Yudkin, 1977).Ingeneral, the early death ofyo ung children andadolescentswas related to a lack of medical knowledgeandpreventive medicine.Outside ofvery high infantmortalityratesmany mothers diedinchildbirth and plagues ofallkindsspreadamong the populationkillingthousands of people.
Thus,societyatthat timehadmore experience with death and the death ofa relativeor a neighbor was a common occurrence to thechild andthe adolescent.
Today muchbetter medical knowledge and preventativemedicinebasledto positivechange.Fewerchildren and adolescentsdie atanearlyage.The average human life expectancyhas increased significantlyto around age seventy-five(O'Brien.
Goodenow,&Espin,1991 ).Thebasicquestioninthis regard is whatchangeshas this broughtabout in oursociety?Inthepast, because ofmore experiencewithdeath.itwas amo re'common'event andoften the funeral tookplace in the home.Today,peoplein generaland children and adolescentsinparticular haveless experience withdeath.It usuallyoccursinhospitals ornurs ing homesand is often a'taboosubject'for the young.Thishas promotedambivalenc eaboutthe subjectinourselvesand ouryo ung people.Manyadultstry to avoidsuch words as"dead" and instead. substitute euphemi sms such as,"pass ed away"or"departed,"in thehopeof protecting children
and adolescents. Terms like this mayalsoserve to distance the user oftheterm.from thepainfulreality ofdeath.This makes death all the more difficult to Confront. since it is seen as a mystery rather than an integral part of life (O'Brien etaI.,1991).
The death ofachild or an adolescentisconsideredtobe devastating .Thisis because youth and death are two words that seem contradictory. Youth symbolizes life and gro'Nthwhereas deathmarksdecay,the end ofgrowing andbeing.A confrontation withdeathcanhaveavery serious impact on these individuals.The death of a peer is particularly disconcerting to adolescentsbecausethey tend to feel they are immortal (O'BrienetaI.,1991).The peer cultureisoften of paramount importance tothe adolescent.since it is at this stagethatthe adolescents' identity shifts away from the parents and family to thepeer group(O'Brienetal.,1991)..Once thispeerculture is disrupted bythe death of a peer,'the walls cavein'and support systems becomevital to dealwiththis crisis situation. One such systemthat should playamajor roleindealing withthe death ofa'peer 'istheK·12 school system. Major strides areoccuninginthis regard and many schools and school boards have put tragic events teamsinplaceto deal with the death ofa studenL However,inspite of theseefforts much more work needs to bedone and educators need to be more proactive rather than reactivein theirapproach.
Death Education which deals with the inevitabilityof death has tobepart of theregular curriculum.Educators and others mustbe trainedinthis area since we cannot shelter our youth from the 'facts of life.'Itisalso important to recognizethat griefresolution
is not anevent.but a process(Coo k&Dworkin.1992 ).Thus.bowwe deal with the issueof deathbecomesof majorimportance.
STATEMENl'OF PURPOSE
lnordcrto deal effectivelywith thedeathofa student in the K-12 system and help students through the grieving process.teachers.counseUonandother significant individuals need:
I) a conceptual frame ofreference, based ontheory;
2) knowledge of the phases/stages of grief resolution;
3) knowledge of strategies/interventionsso they know bow to guidestudents through the grief process;
4) to develop a "team-basedapproach"fordealingwiththe death of a student in the K-12schoolsystem;and
S)a'practical plan'basedon research and experiences ofpcopleworking in the fieldto serveasatrainingmodel
Themajor purposeof lhis paperfolio willbeto provide suchinformation, based onbothresearch and personalexperiences.
The outline for each paper will be as follows:
Paper One:Theoretical explanation of grief and modelsof grief resolution.
I) PurposeISignificance:
Itisimportant forthoseinvolvedin'griefwork'EOhave aconceptualframe of reference as a guidetothepropertreamlentapproach. lbis framework.which is based ontheory , providesa'co gnitivemap'thatguidesassessment andchoice ofintcrvmtionsandalsobcochmarksfor monitoring and evaJ.uatingprogress (Cook & Dwotkin. 1992).The theoreticalexplanationsalso helpsusUDdentmd whyintervention strategies may work sowdJ(Jewett.1982).Thus, the major purpose ofthispaperwillbe EO providean analysis andinterpretation ofthe literatureontheoreticalexplanati ons of grief asabasisforreviewing/studying andcritiquin g the literature on intervention strategies.A chronology will be followed regarding the evolvement of individual theories.A chronological order, asbestpossible,willbe followed for the theories ingencraJ..rangingfrom the older onessuchas the psycboanalytica1tothemore recent ones such as developmental.systemsandcrisis intervention theory.A chart of models of grief resolutionwill alsobeprovided.
2) Definitionofrelevam:terms 3) Theoreticalexplanations
oP>ychomal ytioal
• Behavioral
• Developmental
•ReminderTheory
• CrisisIntervention Theory 4) A chart of models of griefresolution
Paper Two:Theoretical explanationsofgriefandmodel s of griefresolution.
1) Puq>oseISignificance
Itisacrucialtask:thatweassumewhen welistentothecry ofamourningchild or adolescent. Oursuccessdepends onour willingnessto involveourselves with thechildor adolescentandguide them through thisdifficulttime(Jewett,1982).
Inordertodoso gricfworkenneed effective intervention strategies.Thispaper willprovid ean analysisandinterpretation of theliterature on intervention strategies,an accountof pcn,onal experiencesin thisarea and a criticalreviewof current tragic even ts teams in thisprovince.Thiswill provide the foundation for the'practicalplan'to help stUdentsin theK-12 system throughthe griefprocess. 2) CaseScenario
3) Interventio ns/ strat egiestodealwiththedeathinthe K-12 system:
•How10tell
•Settinwatmosphcrcto tell
•Touch
•Maintain structureandroutine.butbeflexibl e
• Recognizeandrespect cultural.beliefs
• Funeral participation
•Viewing the body
• Memorializing and remembering
• Allow childrento express as much grief as possible
•Death education
•Make referrals to supportive people
• Use ofa team approach 4) Personal experiences
Paper Three: A practical planfor dealing with the death of a studentinthe K·12 school system.
I) PurposelSignificance
Many deaths happen suddenly, dramatically and withoutwarning. Weknow that sudden deaths have moreserious consequences bothphysically and mentally (Dyregrov, 1990).We also knowthatthere has been an increase in murder, suicide and accidental deathsinmodem society. Ifa death involvesa child or adolescent it has the potentialto cause major repercussions in the school, since the lives of these individuals are framed around school.Thus, the best place to receive both individualand group helpindealing with grief should be the school itself(pine, Margolis, Dcka, Kutscher, Schaefer, Siegel, Cherico,1990 ). Forthis reason it is critical to have a 'practica lplan' in placeto deal with the death of a student. This paper willprovide such a plan.
Although the main focuswillbe on a sudden,unexpected death, this planmayalso be used for the anticipateddeath of a student
2) CaseScenario
3) A practical planor mode ltotrainteacherslcounselorslstudentslothersto deal with a tragic eventsinthe K- 12system.
CHAPTER TWO Theoretical explanations ofgriefand
models ofgriefresolution
10 INTROD UCTION
Tragedy inevitablytouches all human beings atsome point in their lives.The World Book Dictionary (1992) definesitas,"a verysador terrible happening;calamity or disaster" (p.2218).Italso involves a loss.Thepainthat arises fromany significant loss is referredto asgrief (Collick. 1986). Thepain of grief may involve"emotional reactions (includingsorrow, anger,and depression )and cognit ive reactio nssuchas con fusion(Rosenblatt,1983). Haig(1990) states that, "griefisthe experience and expressionofan emoti on which is deep and sorrowfulandincludes affective.cognitive, and behavioralcompo nents.which followa severe loss suchas bereavement" (p.3).
These reactions arenorm al (Worden. 1991).
The expression of grief involves a mowning process.As Haig(1990) reported,
"Mourning is generallyregarded as the socially sanctioned expression of grief following a bereavementwhich often occurs in a prescribedand institutionalizedway.with formalizedrituals" (p. 3).Wass&Carr(1984)agreedthat, mourning is also used synonymouslywithgrief,but suggesteda more accurateandClinically helpful definition;the mental work following theloss ofaloved onethrough death.
Bereavementisthefact oflossthroughdeath(Osterweis,1984).Itis consi dereda subcategory ofthemournin g process (Edelstein.1984).
"Grief' is a normal response or reaction 10 a significant loss.Ifone is not allowedto grieve, then problems may arise from this thwarting of a natural healing
II
process (S impso n, 1979).Accordingto Collick (1986), this process involves"theneed to suffergriefs emo tional pain, to face thereality ofloss and gradually accept the challenge oflife'saltered circumstances"(p.7). This processis essentialin order to regain equilibrium aftera loss, and thisrequires reorganization on both emotio nal and cognitive levels (Cook&Dworkin. 1992).
It isimportant for thoseinvol ved in'grie f work'tohave aconceptualframe of referenceas a guide to theproper treatmentapproach .Thistheoretic alframework provid es a 'co gni tive map'that guidesassessme ntandchoiceofinterventionsandalso containsbenchmar ks formonitoring and evaluatingprogress (Cook&Dworkin,1992).
These theoretical explanations alsohelp usunderstandwhyinterven tio nstrategiesmay work sowell (Jewett, 1982).Thus, themajorpurpose of thispaper willbetoprovide an
analysis and interpretation of the literature on theoretical explanations of grief as a basis for reviewing/stu dyingand critiquing theliterature on intervention strategies. A chart ofmodels of grief resolutionwillalso be provided.
PSYCHOANALYTIC
Grief, asa normal reaction toloss,wasident ified andwrittenaboutasearl y as 19 17 by Sigmund Freud in(1957) a brief essaycalled "mourningand melancho lia."He states that,"mourning isthe reaction to the loss of a loved person. orto the loss of some abstraction which has taken the place of one,such as one'scountry,liberty, an ideal.
12 and so on.Itinvolves gravedepartures from the nonnal attitude to life butis not a pathological conditionthatrequires medical treatment.Itwillbe overcome after a certain lapse of time, and anyinterferencewithitis useless or evenharmful .. (pp.243- 244). Overall, the process of mourning was seento invol vean active. butpainful processinwhich thebereavedperson wasrequiredto break libidinal ticswiththe lost object, oneby one, by a process ofrccall andreview of memories and affectsofthe deceased,inorder to have energy available again to investinanew relationship (Haig.
1990).
In"mourning and melancholia."Freud was not interestedinthephenomenaof mourningitself but ratherinmelancholia. Probablyhis most significant contribution wasthathemade it clearthatmelancholiainvolvesa conflict of ambivalencetoward an endangered or lostlove object(Freud, 1917).This ambival encecan create opposed feelingsofboth loveandbate toward the lost object.which can leadto pathological coping with grief .The mourner mayblame himselffOT thelosscf theloved object.
KarlAbraham (1924) ,heldtheviewthatthemourner triesto bold on tothe love obj ect, butat thesame timetriesto disposeanddestroyit. Heviewsthis ambivalenc e to be of great importanceintermsof copingwith grief(Spiegel.1971).
MelanieKlein, who studied with Karl Abraham in Berlin,expanded on thework of both AbrahamandFreud. Sheproposed that from thebeginningof life thechild introjects good and bad objects.Theobj ectsaregoodif theyare availabletohim;they
13 arebadif tbeyare deni ed tobim..This object-relationstheorymaystanwiththe molher'sbreastand extendto thewiderenvironmenLThus,. whenever griefarises, it underminesthefeeling ofsecu:re possession oftheloved objectaDdrevives early anxieties when theLovedobjectwasdenied.Thisisknownastheinfantile depressive position(Klein.1952).Kleinalsobelievedthatdeathmaybringguiltfeelings since at times theremayhavebeendeathwishesagainsttheloved one. Defensemechani sm s suchasdenialandidealization maybeusedtocompensat e forguilt feelings(Spiegel.
1977).
Lindemann(1944)claimed that"acute grief was nota medicalor psy chiatri c disorder.but a normalreactiontoa distressing situation"(pp.14 1-148).He described the symptoms of normal griefas "waves"ofpbysicaldistress "lasting for twenty minutes to anbeer"andinvolving tightnessinthetbroa1.choking. shortness of breath.
sighing,an empty feelinginthe stomach, weakness,tensi on.anda poor appetite.These wereaccompanied byfeelingsof guilt and anger.He believedthe length of the grief reactiondepended onthepenon'ssuccessincompletinggrief work (Hughes. 1995).
Thepsychoanalytical theory ofmourningwas continuedinthe sixtiesbythe British psychiatristJohnBowlby.Onecf hiscriticismsofFrcud and other psychoanalystswasthatmost oftheirconcep ts werebased on researchdatacollected from older subjects. His work.incontrast.was based onobservatio nsof'very young children.Itisfromthese observationsthat Bowl by 's attachment theory evolved.The
14
central thesis of this theory is that attachments come fromtheneed for securityand safety which develop earlyinlifeandare usuallydirectedtoward afewspecific:
individuals. These attachments tendto endure throughout a large part ofthe life cycle. Forming theseattachments with significant others is consideredDOnna!behavior for both children andadults. When the attachment figure disappears or is threatened, the response is one ofintenseanxiety whichismarked byprotest.despair.and detachment (Bowlby,1969). Bowlbysuggeststhatthe child'spatents provide a secure base from which the child can operare and itis this relationshipthatdetermines the child's capacity 10 make afIectional bonds laterinlife.Oneofthe most significant conttibutions ofbis work. on childhood mourningisthe contentionthatchildren grieve aspainfullyasadults (Bowlby, 1979).
Bowlby's biological theory ofgriefinflucnced the thinking of many,in particular, the British psychiatrist Colin Munay Parkes. Parkessupports Bowlby'sview that secure atta<:b.mentsprovide a secure base from which the child can explore the world and this leadsto self-confidence and relative autonomy (Parkes, 1982). Parkes also believed that thequality of parenting a person receivesinchildhood is likely to affect the quality of caretaking behavior he or she exhibits as a parent. Death or early separation from a parent can impair the healthy development of the mother-child bond (Parkes,1982).
IS BEHAVIORAL
The primary goal of behavioristic psychologyisthe predictionandlor control of behavior using scientificdatacollectedbyexperimentalmethods (Hillner, 1984;
Watson.1970).Theemphasisison changingobservablebehavior throughdirect interventions.Insteadoftryingto interpretunderlyingunconscious processes to find the answers to complex human activities,behaviorists generally concentrate onexternal environmental metors(Nyc.,1992).Behaviorists such as B.F.Skinner heldtheview thatfeelingsdonot cause our behavio rsbut are by-productsof environmental conditions.In theseenvironments, positivebehaviors are reinforcedandnegative behaviors punished.Incaseswhere behaviors are reinforced good feelin gsresult, however,incases where negativeconsequences are imposed guilt feelingsmayresult (Nyc.1992).Behavioralchangesare brough tabout by changing the environmental conditionstowhich individualsare exposed.
Behavioral therapy techniquesmayinclude 'forced confrontation'withthefacts oCIoss.Thismayinvolvesayinggoodbyetothedeceasedinwriting or visitin gthe cemetery.Adultmodelling of appropriategrieving behaviorisveryimportant.
DEVELOPMENTAL THEORY
Inthepast,Freudians assumed thatchildrenwereunabletogrievebecausethey needed a matureconcept ofdeathinorder todo so (McGIauflin,1996) .However .today
16 information collected on children's developmental understanding of death"which will follow".indicatesthey develop a concept of death over time andthat theygrieveintheir own way.based on theirdevelopmental understanding.Thisinformationisvery valuablefor those working withstudents sincetheyneed knowledge of not only children'sor adolescent'sconcept ofdeathbutalsoknowledgeon howtheygrieve.
Forthemost part, much ofthe currentliteraturerelies on the developmental theories ofPiagetandErikson, andthe pioneeringworkof Nagy (1959) to explain children'sconcept of death (McGlauflin, 1996). There isgeneralagreement under this theo rythattheconceptofdeathinchildren develops over timeindistinct,identifiable stages.eachwithcharacteristic perceptions.
Piaget's stages of cognitivedevelopmentwhich have alsobeenassociatedwith general ageperiods include : 1) TheSensorimotor Period(birth-two yeazs).This periodischaracterized bydevelopment of coordination ofthcsenses and understanding of objectconstancy.All components of the concept ofdeath areeither absent or incomp lete.2) Preoperational Stage (two- sevenyears]. During this stagemanyskills necessarytoan understanding ofdeath are still lacking.Egocentrism and magical thinking arecharacteristic of this stage.Childrenthinkdeath canbesomehow evaded orreversed orthatitistemporary. 3) Concrete Operations Stage(seven - eleven years).
Childrencan comprehendaspects of death. such as universality,finality,inevitability and irreversibility.4)Formal OperationsStage (beginsatage twelve).Atthisstage
17 thereisattainmentofskillsin abstractreasoning.Deathisfullytmdmtoodinabstract.
real.ity-basedterms(Bc:rtinsky&:Biller. 1982;Ginsburg&:Opper, 1979; Gordon&:
Klass.,1979;Piaget.197 5;StiUon&:Wass.,1984 ; Wadsworth. 1984).ErikErikson (1962)outlinedeightstages ofpsycbosocia1developm en t, which revolve aroundthe notion ofspecificcrisescbaracterizingeachckvelopm m tal ltagc ofan individual'slife (Liebert&Spiegel,1970; Sandoval. 1985). He suggestedthatthere are two alternative ways ofdealingwiththese'en counters' orcrises. one adaptive andthe other maladaptive.Inorderfor resolution to takeplace. the adaptiveapproach mustbetaken . Thus.itiscriticalinatraumatic crises suchas death,that theadaptive approacb be taken-
Maria Nagy (1948),ina classicalstudy done on Hungarian tbildren betweenthe ages ofthreeandten,concluded that~arethreestagesinthe children's undttstanding ofdeathand thalthese three stagesan:age-related..Thefirststageranges from three to five years.Duringthisstage deathisnot seen aslina1or permanent, but temporary.Itis notseen as irreversibl ebut instead viewed asa'sleep'or'Ion gj oume y' from which youmayreturn,Childrenthinkof the dead penonina coffin as probably brea thin g.thinkingandfeeling.This stage is similarto what Piaget callsthe Preoperational Stage.The secondstage.begins aroundfiveor six andlasts until around agenine.During thistime childrenstarttoask questi ons about the causesand consequences ofdeath.They now often seedeath as finalandIrreversible,Children
IS recognize the connection between old age and death.This stage is compatiblewith Piagct's concrete Operations Stage.Thethirdstage of death occurs after age nine.At thisstage, children recognizethatdeath is inevitable and universal.Deathis also recognized as the termination aflife. Thisstage is compatible with Piaget's Formal Operational Stage (Nagy,1948; Osterweis&Green.1984; Stillon&
wess,
1984;Simpson., 1979).
Ztligs(1974),presented the following seven stages relating to how children perceive death as theygrowolder: Stage One (two -threeyears).The child is interestedinthe origins of life andwantsto know where babies come from, however.
there is little comprehension of the meaning of death.Themorbid fear ofdeath starts as early asthreeyears of age. Stage Two(three - five years). Children have no concept of the finality of death. Deathisseen as a departure or a sleepwhich is temporary.The five year old sees death as reversible.Stage Three(six years old). At this age children are becoming more aware of the meaning ofdeatb asfinal.Theyalso become aware of the sorrowthatdeath may bring and worry about their owndeath as well as the death of their parents. A connectionis seen between death and old age.Stage Four (seven years old).The child knows be will die sometime andisinterestedindeath ceremonies.
Stage Five(eight years old).The child knowsthat people,animalsand plants die.The childisalso interestedinthe cause ofdeath and what happens after death. Stage Six (nine yean old). Beginningat this age the child realizes thatdeathisinevitable and
19 universal. Stage Seven (adolescent). The adolescent fears death but is also fascinated bydeath.
Other researchers have basically placed the child's concept of death asitrelates to age into these three general categories: Stage One (below five). Children do not understand that death is final and universal. They thinkitis reversible. They think in concrete terms and as such have difficulty in understanding abstract explanations of death. Stage Two (five- ten). Childrengradually developand understanding that death is final and irreversible. At around age seven they understand that death is unavoidable and universal. Even though they have greater cause-effect understanding there are still magical components of their thinking. They are resistant to thinking of death as a possibility for themselves. Stage Three (ten-adolescence). The child's concept of death is more abstract. Death is understood as final, irreversible and universal. They are able to understand more of the long-term consequences of a loss (Jewett, 1982;
McGlauflin, 1996; Schowalter, 1983).
In terms of how children grieve it is important to recognize that children grieve differently than adults and this difference is based on their limited understanding of the world and their vulnerability (McGlauflin, 1996). Some of these differences are: adults can seek out a support network for themselves, while children are left with what is given them; adults have room to grieve in their own way, while children are influenced by the way adults around them grieve and the expectations about grieving placed on them
20 (Bowlby, 1980). McGlauflin (1996) refers tothefollowing unique characteristics of children's grief which distinguishesitfromthatofadults:childrenan:repetitiveintheir grief; needingto ask questions andtalkabout similar issues againand again; they act their feelings out physically; and they always grieve aspart of a family,notinisolation.
Childrenalso go through phases of grief which are outlinedinFigure One. McGlauflin (1996)alsopointstothesethreecommon themes forgrievingchildren; abandonment, blame and vulnerability. Thus, grief workers need tobecognizant oftbese themesin orderto effectively workwithchildrenand this will be discussedinChapterThree.
REMINDER THEORY
Rosenblatt (1983), suggests the notionthatspecific stimuliset off memories and behaviorpattemsthatarelinkedto thedeceased. HecallsthisReminder Tbcory.Inhis viewit is these reminders that one struggleswithduring grief work. Some memories are quickly dealtwith, others take a longer time. These reminders. however. are necessary since they belpthebereavedworkthroughandbring resolution to the grief process. Healsobelieves that grief workisslower irene is out of contactwith important reminders.
WEB THEORY
This theorywaspresentedin1981at a forum. forDeathEducation and CounsellinginBoston.The basis aCthe theory is that a person's worldwith all of it's
21 relationshipsisanalogous to a network offibers thatcontributetothe whole web. A breakinthe structure,represents a loss,thatmust be reconstructedandhealed. Eventuallyifhealingbastaken place the section of the web willbe rewoven into a new partof the whole.Thisis symbolic of the reinvestmentin life.The web conceptisalso symbolic of thefragilityof our livesandthesignificance ofeachpersonorfiberwithin the web (VanDexter,1986).
Itisdifficultto define and develop a theory that wouldbeallinclusive for the grieving process.Therefore. as a means of dealingwiththis problem.researchers such as,Parkes,1970;Weizman& Karam, 1985;}ewett.1982;Ccrazzini, 1980; Kubler- Ross,1969;Edelstein,1984; Hollingsworth&Pasnau. 1977andWorden. 1991.have brokendowntheproc ess into Phases. stagesandtasks.Figure 1 represents these 'models of grief resolution.'
SYSTEMS THEORY
Systems theory focuses on the processes that occur,and the interactions between events, people, or other clements of the system(Sims.1983).The basic assumption underlying the systems theory approachinindividual,group or family counseling is that the person is reciprocallyaffected by other individuals and systems.This approach considers all the systems ofwbich a person is apan.personal. family and social systems. Therefore. one workswithas many relevant systems as possible (Schoenberg,
22 1980).How wen.thegrief sufferer manages his or her odyssey throughthe stages of grief depends on these interactions with others.ina system.thatrecognizes and sanctions grief(McGlauflin,1996; Pine eta1,1990).Therequired<signi ficant other' maybeaspouse,parent.child, funeral director,physician. nurse, neighbor, guidance counsellor,social worker or anotherindividual.POSSIblesystems could be the family, the schooLpeersor other supportgroups.
The family unitisaveryimportant systemwitheachmemberinteracting within thedynami cs cf'the system.Each experience, each feeling bas a ripple effect on each member evan Dexter, 1986).The youngeradolescentismore likely to havefum connections to the family system.Inmiddle to late adolescencethereisa move to separate from the family andgainaniden ti ty ofone's own. (Amold&Gemma, 1983).
At this phase peers are a very important system. Childrenand adolescents, as part of the familyunit.havethe same need as adultsto know whathashappened when a tragedy occurs and to be involvedinrelevantactivity (Pine et al,1990 ).Research indicatesthat both children and adults fare better when:adultsaround them grieve appropriately;
survivors do not depend solely on thechi ld for support; the environment is stable; there is consistentandlovin g caretaking; other relationships can continue;and. they are includedinthe family gricfrituals (McGlauflin,1990;Pine et al, 1976). Tobe excluded because ofagc diminishes one'ssense of membership and one's sense of self. Also, children whoare excluded or isolated, when thereisa deathinthe family,arelikcly to
2J suffer confusionand beunable tocopewith thetragedywhichtheycan sense has occurred(Pine"oJ.1990).
Inaddition totherole oftheimmediatefimily.gr.mdparmts.auntsanduncles andother memben of the extt:nded family can playamajor roleinassisting the bereaved(Ostcrwei s etal.,1984).The involvement ofthc extendedfamilyhelps decrease the trauma of dealhbecauseof continued collective identity,theshared5CD5C ofresponst'bility,andthe provisionof alternative sources ofaffection (Berlinslcy&
Biller, (982).The declining role of thecxtcndcdfamilyintoday' ssociety basmade accepting death moredifficult
A similar roletothefamilycan be played by other systemsinsociety such as the peer group,church,.and school. Thesegroupscould providea1tc:roative sources of supportand affectionwhichwouldhelplesseethepainoflossthrough death.
CRISIS INTERVENTION THEORY
Theterm.'crises'refersto those stressfullifeeventsexperiencedby a penonor group.such as thefamily , whichchallenges theirabilitytocopeeffectivelywiththe emotional,intellectual and/orphysicaldemands that arisefromsucb events (Murgatroyd.1983).'Interven tion ' refers to therIPe of workundertakenbysupportive individualsor
team.s
to deal with client(s)incrises.The primary goal of crisis interventionisto helpinsucha way astouse thesituatio n to enhancepen;onalgrowth.2' or at leastto restoretheindividual to a previous level of functioning by the reduction of tension oranxietythatresulted. from the event (Sandoval, 1985;Wollman, 1993). By successfUlly resolving a crisis an individual will probablyacquire new coping skills that willicad to improved fimctioninginnew situations.butthat isonly adesired,possible outcome. notthefundamental objective of this process (Sandoval,1985).
The earliestwork:inthe area of crises intervention is usually attributedto Erich Lindemann (1944)and his systematic observations of the reactionofvictims and their families to anaturaldisaster (Sandoval, 1985). From his observations hewas ableto linknotions ofcrises of transition with ideas about helping peoplecopewithcrises springingfrom traumatic events (Sandoval .1985).Erik.Erikson (1962) was the next major contnbutorinCrises Intervention Theory.Histheory revolved aroundthenotion of specific crises characterizing each developmentalstage of an individual'slife.He considered a crisis to be a normal developmentalphenomenon which becalled'turning points'weall face throughout our life span. He believed interventionsthatleadto a balanced resolution following the time of a crisis, would prevent later problemsin emotional developmentand maturation (Sandoval ,1985;Wollman, 1993).
Thethirdpioneerinthisarea was Gerald Caplan. Caplan's research was based on early work: with peace corpsvolun teers, with parents reacting to premature birth, and with families coping with tuberculosi s.He was instrumentalinsetting up a number of crises intervention centers.Hevieweda'crisis'as being a period when the individual is
2S teIn:pOnri.IyoutoCba1aDce.This&Weofdisequilibrium.mayprovideanopportUnityfor psychologicalgrowthas wellas the danger of psychological deterioration(SaDdoval.
1985).
Accordingtohimthere aretwotypes of crises:1)developmentalornonnative crises;and,2)situati o nal crises or"acci den talhappenings,nsuchas afatalaccident invol vingalovedone (wollman. 1993).Injointrescarcb.byCaplmandLlDdcmann.
oonmtivecriseswere referredtoas"psychologicalaises...thatwere characteristically short-livedandbadself-tmninating episodes (wollman.1993) .
AnotherwayofdefiningaWs was devised byBaldwin(1978)whoprobably developedcae of themostcomprehensivetaxonomies(Sandov al,. 1985).Histaxonomy includesthefonowingsix typesof emotional crises:
1)DispositionalCrises.Acrisesinvolvingstressfroma problematicsituation.
For example.ateenconcerned about being ever-weight,
2)AnticipatedLifeTransitions.Anticipatedbutusually normative., life transitions over whichtheclientmayor mayDOthave substmtia1 control Forexample..
enteringschool or achildhoodillness.
3) Traumati cStress.Situationsthatareunexpectedanduncontrolledthatare emotionallyoverwhelming.Forexample.a suddendeath..
2.
4) MaturationallDevelopmental Crises.A crises resulting fromattempts to deal withan interpersonal situation.Itmay represent an attempt togainemotional maturity.
For example, value conflicts,sexualidentity and responsesto authority, 5)Crises Reflecting Psychopathology.Crises that are psychopathologicalin nature, for example, a child that is hallucinatinginschool.
6) Psychiatric Emergencies.Crisis situationsinwhich general functioningbas been severely impaired andtheindividual rendered incompetent or unable to assume personal responsibility.For example. acutely suicidal clientsanddrug overdose clients (Sandoval, 1985).
MODELS OF GRIEF RESOLUTION
Itis a challenge to defineanddevelop a theorythatwouldbeall inclusive for the mourning process.Therefore, as a means ofdealing with this problem.researchers
"Park es. 1970; Weizman&Kamm.1985;Jewett. 1982;Corazzini,1980; Kubler-Ross.
1969; Edelstein, 1984; Hollingsworth&Pasnau, 1977;and Worden, 1991",have broken down the process into phases. stages and tasks. Figure I represents these 'models of grief resolution.'The model providedbyJewett (1982) is of particular relevance for children.
PBASESI STA GES OFGRIE F RESOLlmON
27
P.-
Wefzmaa&Kamm J_ott Co<azzlni(1970) (1985) (1982 - Chlldrea) (1980)
fIlaRl' fIlaRl' fIlaRl' fIlaRl,
Nllmboeu- Occurs Shock - Aperiodof EarlyGrief - Loss-The moumet"
closetothetime of disbeliefand deniaL Markedbyshock is stunned by the theloss. M...,by and numbing, alarm Ioss.
numbnessand anddenia1.
withdrawal.
fb.m..ll' fb.m..ll' fba&.Il' fJIu<..II,
Yearn.iDI-A UDdomg- AcuteGrief- COOSOUdadO D-
yeamingfor the Cbaracterizedby Yeammgand pining, Markedbydisbelief deceased.Anger guilt, self-blame. searching and strong and despair. Reality anddenial are and powerlessness. feelings of sadness. setsinand thc common. Moumer tries to guiltandshamc:, mourner gradually
makethingsas they disorganization. letsgoofthc were before. despair,andfinally attacbmenttothe
reorganization. deceased,
f!laK..lII' f!laK..lII' f!laK..lII' f!laK..lII'
Disorganizatio n Anger - This is Integrati oD- Realty ReiDtegn.t:l.oll-The udDespair-The often directed at of loss accepted. mournerresumes bereavedfinds it someonelike. Child gets onwith life and new difficult to function. familymember. life. relationships are
established.
f!w<.lY,. f!w<.lY' Reorganization - Sadness-The Survivors begin to realityofdeatb sinks puJllife back in.Avoidance, together. denial and self.pity
arc common.
fIl=.Y' IotegratioD-The moumerscttled slowlyinto the new reality.
P8ASESISTAGES OF GRIEF RESOLUTION (F1pnIco.t'd)
28
Ka.bln-Ross(1969)
-
(1914)80_..
PamaR(1977) WordeD(1991)Slm..!' ~, Slm..!' Iukl'
DeDial- Markedby CIwweriud by Shock,disbeliefand To ecceptthereality numbnessandshock shock, disbeliefand denial. oftheloss.Denialis
numbness.ADger, <ommon.
helplessncssmd depression are
<ammon.
SIm..lI' ~ ~
:rm.n,
Barplaing - A teve.... Loagingforthc Toworktbrougbthe
mona
wishdYtthe reintegmionmd deceased, painof grief.deathisnot acc:eptaneeofthc
p<mW><nL ,css.
Bargainingwitba 'higherpower'
<>=D>.
Slm..DI' Slm..DI'
:rmm,
ADler-Maybe Resolution. Toadjusttoan
dircctcdat God,tbc environment in
deceasedorothers. whichthe deceased
ismissing.
S!u<.l'i' ImlY'
J)epressioR- To cmotiooally
Profowdsadness rekxate the deceased
andemotionalpain. andmove onwith
life.Thisinvolves leninlgo and reinvestinginlife . Slm.Y'
AcccptaDce-Death isaccep tedandnew energy investedin thepresentand futuR.
29 SUMMARY
Itisimportantfor those involvedin'grief work'to have a conceptual frame of referencewhichis based on theory.lbis framework provides a 'cognitivemap'that guides assessment and choice of interventions (Cook&Dworkin. 1992).The psychoanalyst focus on unconscious processes.Inthe psychoanalytic framework.
mourningrequiresthe abilityto separate self from the love object. havea mental representation oflhc deceased person, toleratepainfulemotion through egostrength.
accept loss as permanentanddevelop new tiesafter a loss (McGtauflin., 1996). Because thoseinfluenced by Freudian theory assume that grief requires sophisticated death concepts,children were often overlooked as a populationthatgrieved. These notions are considered passetodayanddevelopmental theoryhas gained moresupport (McGlauflin, 1996). Developmental Theory suggeststhat the concept of deathin children develops overtime,indistinct,identifiable stages.These stages are associated with agelevels . Thistheory also suggeststhatchildren grieveintheir ownway.based on their developmentalunderstanding.Reminder theory suggeststhat working through reminders or memories oflhe deceased are nccessaryinorderto bring resolution to the grief process. The web theory uses the analogyof a break in a spider's webto a loss through death.Inorder for healing to takeplace the break must be reconstructed.
Systems theory ascertains that how wellindividuals managetheir grief. depends on interactions with othersina system that recognizesandsanctions grief. The family
30 andpeergroup are examples ofsuch systems (McGIauflin, 1996;Pineetal,1990).
Crises intervention theory involvesdirect interventionswithindividuals or groups while theyareina crisesasameans ofreducing the tension or anxiety so that the individuates) can return toa previousleveloffunctioning (Sandoval. 1985;Wolhnan.
1993).The models ofgrief resolution. based on specific stages or Phases. offervcry valuable information for the griefworker.Itisimportant torecognizethatthese stages arecyclicalinnatureand as such the mourner canreturn toan earlier stage (McGIauflin.
1966).All of these theoriesand models of grief resolution certainlyhave meritandcan providethe griefwcrkerintheK-12schoolsystemwith a conceptualframeworkfrom which to work..They also provide the foundation for intervention strategies and this willbediscussedinPaper Two.Thus. an eclectic approachwhich borrows on ail of thesetheories and models maybethebestapproachinworkingwiththe bereavedand thiswill be outlinedinPaper Three.
CHAPTER THREE
How to deal with the death ofa student in the K-12 system:
Intervention strategies and guidelines
32 CASE SCENARIO, DIANE
Diane. an elementary schoolstudentinGradeThreewas diagnosed asbavinga brain tumorin1996. Treatments were cflittje help and she wasinconstantpaindue to the swelling. InMarch of theyear our school was contactedbythe Janeway Child Health Centerandwe wereadvisedthatDiane would not liveverylong.A teleconference session was scheduled for thestaftthe local doctor, public health nurse andguidance counsellor.All were informed during this session ofDianc'sprognosis and everyone wasadvised to prepare for her death andatthe same time todowhatever possible to comfort Diane,both at homeandinschooL Diane attended school on her gooddaysand for special events and every effort was madetoinclude her.Soon she becametoosick and could not attendatall.This was a particularly difficult time for the students andstaff.Some staff members wondered if she would live to the end of the school year. The night before the last day of school Diane became seriouslyilland was taken to the hospital.She diedlaterthatnight.The elementary school was now faced with the difficult task of dealingwith this great tragedy on the last day of school.
)) INTRODUcnON
The death ora childinthe K-12schoolsystem.asin thecase of Diane.can be devastating for all of those involved. even when it is an anticipated death.Ingeneral.
ourK-12schools need tobepreparedtodealwiththesedifficultsituations.Inorderto do so.griefworkcrsneed trainingineffectiveinterventi on strategies.Thesestrategies.
DOdoub t are linked to theory.ThispaperwillprovideananalysisaDdinterpretati on of theliteratU:reon intervention strategiestouse whenthedeath of. secoodary school studentoccurs.The theoreticalexplanations providedinpaperone willbeexplicitly linkedtothese interventionstrategies.Againit is important to pointout thatitis my viewthataneclectic approachwhich borrowsonallofthe theoriesisthebestapproach to takewhen helping students through thegriefprocessas the resultaCthe deathoCa 'peer.'AnaccountofmypersonaJexperiencesinthisareawillalsobeprovided.
ANECLECTIC PERS PECTIVE
Firstofall,thedeathof a smdeuintheK·12system represents acrisis.which challenges the ability of students tocopeeffectivelywiththedemandsthatarisefrom such an event,Thetheoryinregard tocrisisinterventio n involves immediate interventionsthathelpreduce the tensionandanxietythatstudentsfaceas theresultof such aneven t.Inthispaper the focus will beon a situational or traumaticstress crisis
34
involvin gthe death ofastudentandearlyphase interventi onsto help students through the griefprocess.
Therecommended approachisa"team" or"systeIIlS"approach whichinvo lves interactionswithothersintheschoolsystem as a means of working through the phases/stages of grief.Thisteam orsystemwhich will be discussed laterisreferred 10 as a'schooltragicevents response team.'It iscritical that thisteambeinvolvedin all oftheinterventions., someofwbichmayinclude: tellingthe students about the tragedy, participationinthefuneral.viewingthebodyandaschooldeatheducation program.
Webtheoryalsoticsinto thesystems approachsince.breakin thewebrepreseetsthe loss of someonethatoncewasa partofan intricatesystem.TheinterVentions.,which involvea team approach helpstoreconstructtheweb.Itis byusing thissystemthatwe can help the bereaved dealwithambivalentfeelin gs oCbolhloveandhate asstressedby Freudians.Itisbyusing thissystem that we help studentsthroughthe painful remindersof thedeceasedasstressedbyremindertheory.Itisbyusingthissystemthat teammembers modelappropriatebehaviorandconfront thelossusingtechniqu es advocaJ:edbybehavio rists.Itisbyusingthis systemthatwe usethe knowledgeofthe conceptsofdeathandthe students develop mental undemandingofdeathas outlin ed by developmcntalistto helpinthe recoveryprocess.The mod els of griefresolutio nare also very helpfulinthisregard.
35
HOW TO TELLCHILDREN/ADOLES CENTSABOlITDEATH WhoShagld Itll
Firstofalldonotdelayintelling about deathwhichisa generi c principleof crisis intervention theory.Childrenandadolescentsneedtobetoldas soon as possib le andas soon aspracticalunderthecircumstances.The soonertheyare informed ofthe tragedythe more opporbmity thereistoreactwiththeteachers.members oftbeirpeer group andothersignifi cantadulu.
Thenews of a tragedyshouldbepresented.ifpossi b le.,by someone whois emotionall yclosetothestudenLThiscouldbe theteacherwith whom thestudcnt(s ) fcel(s) close.Inmany cases itmaybethe homeroom teacher .The history of trust, concernandinvolvementthatthe personhaswiththestUdentisveryimportant atthis time ofcrises(Dyregrov,1990 ;Grollman.,1990;Jewett, 1982;McG lauflin.1996;Pine etal.•1990;Sandoval.1985;Simpson.1979 ; Siaikeu, 1990;Weizman&Kamm.1985).
When thisisimpossib le and the student(s)mustbeinformedby another adult,tryto reunitetheindividual (s) with thetrusted adult as soonasposst'ble.Thistrustedaduh can thenrepeatthe news and address anyquestionsorconcerns the child(rm)have (Dyregrov,1990; Jewett,1982;Simpson.,1979).
36
~
F"ustofall, aclearUDderstaDdingofthefactssurroundingthcdc:athisimponanL IfODeisI1D5W"C,the information mustbechecked outbef~being presentedtothe students(Dyregrov, 1990).The individualpresentingthe news must be totallyhonest and thisbegins with complete,accurate and straight forward information about the recentdeath.Directterminology involvesusing words such as "die" or"dead."In particular,fortheyoungchild.itmustbeempbasiz.c:dagainmxJagainthatdeathisnota tempowy phenomenon."itisfinal.."ThismustbedoDeregmI1ess oe lhcage of tbc studentintheK-12secondaryschoolsystmLTheideaofdenyingthetlUthtoprotector span:the young studentdocsDOtwork.Infact.more damageisdonebygivingfalse informationwhichtheywilllaterneed to unlearn. However.when presenting the news.
the words used need tobeappropriateto the student'sage andcertainlynot beyondtheir levelofcomprehension.Ageneral knowledgecf thestudent'sconcept and understandingofdeathasoutlinedunderdevelopm entaltheorywouldbehelpfulhere.
Evenchildrenof thesame chronological agemay differwidelyintheir behaviorand developmenLA possib le beginning statement couldbe."Iwant toprepareyoufor some bad news.Aztaccidentjusthappened.Itinvolved "Onhisway to school he washit by aearwhile crossingthestreet.He"died"instantly-(BerlinsIcy&Biller.
1982;Dyregrov,1990;Giacalone&McGrath. 1980;Gordo n&Klass,1919 ;GroUman.
1990;Hollingsworth&Pasnau. 1977 ;Hughes,1995;Jewett,1982;McGlauflin., 1996;
37
Osterw-eisetal.,1984;Oswin.1991;Simpson.1979;Temes,1984;VanDexter.1986;
Zeligs.,1974.Ofcourse,dependingoatheearcreofdeath.the schoolpenonndmight DOthavepermission from the student's guardian(s) toprovidefullinformation(e.g.
suicide, AIDS).
Ayo ldEgphemism
Theuse ofeuphemisms orfigures ofspeechisan evasion ofrealityandmay indicate theadults difficultyinfacing anddealingwithdeath (Blackham, 196 1;HilIner, 1984;Kaufman,1956;MiChalSOD,1956;Oaklander.199 2;Schoenberg,1980;Solomon.
19n;Stillon&wass,1984;Warnoc k, 1970). nusisofparticular importancewhen dealingwithyoungerchi ldren since theyare not able to generalize fromwordssuch
as.
""sleeping","gone","lost"."'passedaway""."perish","'journey" .and"deepsleep,"since theyhavelimitedcogni tivestructuresas pointedout bydevelopmentaltheory.Childrm maybeconfusedby such ambiguouswords and believetha1thepersonislost,sleep ing.
orgonefora while,aUofwhichimplythattheperson will comeback..Instead.itwould be better10give a clear explanationofwbatdeath means;such
as.
thatlifehasstopped.the person'sheart hasstoppedbeating,the persondoesDOtbreathe anymore, theperson is unabletotalk,walk.move,seeorhear andthe personwon't fccl anyof the feelings heusedto feel, such as sad. angry orhappy(Dyregrov,1990; GroHman.,1990;Hinton, 1967;Hollingswonh&Pasnau,1977;Hughes.1995;Jewetl 1982;McGlauflin,1996;
39 childrea.inpartieular.should beremindedorrt:assuredth&tthelass of oneiJnPOOant rclariocshipdoesDOlnecessarilymeanthelossorothers(Gro1lman. 1990).
It should beemphasizedthai.inremembering thedeceased doDOtidealizethe penon.or forceothers to.doso.Doing so couldincreasethefeelingsofguiltthatsome mighthave. Forthisreasonit isessentialtolOOk:at thewholeper$Onandthe whole relationship,the satisfyingandunsatisfying parts.,tosuccessfullyintegratethe loss (Weizmm'"Kamm,1985).
TalkAbout Your Frrllggs
Children and adolescentsrely onadultsastheirrole modelsinfacingthe challenge of grief. Behavioral theory wouldsuggestthat significant adultsmod el appropriategrievingbehavior.Adultsare oftenafraidtoshowtheirfeelingsandthis advertentlyor inadvertentlydiscouragescbildmJ.fromexpressingtheirownfeelings.
QUIdrmandadolescents. however need to seetheopenexpression of griefinitsmany formsto validate theirgriefandc:ncouragctheprocess.InthisI'CSp(d:it isDotwisefor adults tohide their feelings.Instead.anopenexpression oCgriefis the betterapproach.
Talk about your feelings.[fyoulooksador arecrying,explainwhy.Also, talkabout your memories ofthedeadperson (Dyregrov,1990;Hughes. 1995; McGlauflm. 1996).
40 Dop't
Force
Som eo neto
Ta lkAhogt Dgtb00 not force someoneto talk aboutdeathunwillingly-but do notpull back and bideif hewantstotalk (Simpson. 1979). If someone chooses nottotalk.provide other avenuesthatwillallowtheperson to expresshimselffreely and openly. Some possibilities mightinclude:drawing what s\he feels, writingashort story or poem or reading a bibliotherapy piece concerningloss (Dyregrov.1990; Van Dexter, 1986).
EDmD n ,!!!QgestioDs
Children and adolescents needtotalkandask questionsinorderto get a better understanding ofwhat bas happened.Children arcalsorepetitiveintheir griefand may needto ask questionsandtalk about similar issuesagain andagain as suggestedby deve1opmentalist.Some guidelinesto follow in response tothes e questionsandqueri es include:
(i)Dono t evade the student's questions (Jewett, 1982; Simpson, 1979).
(ii )Behonest, butdo not go into detailor longexplanations.Answerquesti on s witha simple,factual explanation.Good documentation oCthefact surroundingthe tragicevent may help(Giacalone&McGrath. 1980:Hugh es.199 5;Jewett,1982; Wass
&Ccrr,1982).
(iii)Your answers should correspond to the developmentalage of thechild or adolescent(GroHman. (990).
41 (iv)IfyoudoDOtknow the answers to certain questions, sayso (Giacalone&
McGra.lh.1980;Jewen.,1982;Wass& Ccrr,1982).
(v)Avoid beingjudgmental orlinking sufferingmel deathwithsin,guilt,and punishment(Simpson. 1979).
(VI)Itis bettertoexplaintheimmediate causesin~toquestions rather
than trytogive a philosophical or religious intcrprctarion (Hollingsworth&Pasnau.
1977).
(vii)Howev er. when questions ariseit is okay tosharehonest religious convictionsthatyou have regarding life afterdeath.But when doing sobepreparedfor further questions especially from younger children. Be carefulindealing with these questionsand clarify the distinctionbetweenwhathappensto thebodyand what you believehappensto the soul orspirit.Donot, however.presc:nl:tobeautifula picture of the world-to-come, Somechjldrenhavecommittedsuicidein thehope of joiningthe absentlovedone (GroUman. 1990;Simpson. 1979).lfyoudonot believeinlife after death, admitthatyoudoDOtknow whathappensto theperson afterdeath, butsuggest that bow onelives one'slifeuntilthen doesmatter.Also.check outwhatthe childor adolescent believesand never ridiculehislher ideas(S im pso n. 1979).
SETIlNGlATMOSPHE RETOTELL
Theplace to disclose the informatio nonthedeath shouldbechosenwithcare.
A suitablespacewouldbeone that is comfortableandonethatis familiarto the
42 individuals {Dyregrev,1990).Ina supponive environment the individual will feel safe and freeto openupto hislher emotions.Suitable spaces could include thehomeroom and the counsellor'soffice.The announcement should certainly notbe made overthe loudspeaker (Gordon&Klass, 1979; O'BrienetaI.•1991).
Agrievingroomshould alsobesetaside for thosethatcannot copeinthe regular classroom.The guidance counsellorisanexcellent resource 10 providesupport inthegrievingroom. Teachers andmembers ofthepeergroup,inparticularatthe junior and seniorhigh schoollevels, couldbeusedas well.
TOUCH
One of thebestways to givechildren and adolescents the messagethatthey are
"safe:'that"they are not alone,"and that"you care"maybe through touch.Non- intrusive touching may involve;holdingthehand,.hugging, touchingthearm and so00.
If you decide notto touch,just aclose physicalpres enceina caring and compassionate way mayaccomplish the same objective (Grollman,1990;Jew ett,1982). Touch.
however.may be a difficult dilemmaattimes.,sincewe haveto honor intimacy boundary lines.GencraIly,itisless of a probleminpublic groups where everyone is bugging and beingbugg ed.Theadultcaregiverwill need to exercise judgmentin situa tio ns like this. Althoughcaution bas tobe exercised, grief workts extremely difficult and when words fail. touch maywork wonders (Dershimer, 1990).
43 MAINTAIN STRUCTURE AND ROUTINE, BlIT BE FLEXIBLE Dealingwitha tragic eventina school will be avery difficult process .Forcinga regular day on students,asifnothing happened, will not work. Itisonlynatural that studentswillhavemoredifficu ltyinpayingattentionto their school work during the grieving process.Thus. itisessential totrytomaintaina balance.This involves recognizingthatclassroomroutinesandmanagement may be disrupted;thatstudents maywanttobeviewedas a functioning,useful part oflheclass;andthatsignificant adults canmaintainafirmandcaringstructureinwhich thestudentsknowtheyhave a placewhere they are safe and theyarecaredfor. Atsomepointreturning to the regular routine maybethebestapproach. Ifregu1ar classesisnot an option. choicesof activitiescould be provided, such as,journal writing andbibliotherapy(Reeves&
Knowles.1981; Scott.198 1).Behavioristsadvocate techniquessuch as theseas a meansofsayin g good-byetothedeceased.Itis alsoameans of confro ntin g theloss.
RECOGNIZE AND RESPECf CULTURAL BELIEFS There are significantvariationsinthe bereavementexperience across cultures.
ethnic groups, and social classes.Insome culturesitis expect ed that thoseinmourning wearblack orsomber colors.Someculturesexpect and demand averyopenexpressio n of grief andconsideritshame ful not to shedtearsor showstrongemotions .Other societiespraise thosethatshowstrongemotionalcontrol(OstcrwcisetaI.•1984;
Raphael. 1983).It isimportant to recognizeand respect cultural diversi tyinreference
44 to death and deathrituals. Whenthedeath of a student occursit maybenecessary for a designated member of thestafftocontactthe familyor find outwhat thecultural expectationsmight be.
PARTI CIP ATIO N IN THE FUNERAL
Most researcherssupportthe notionthatchildrenandadolescentsbeencouraged hutnotforcedto attend funerals. A variety of reasonshavebeencited for this:
I) Their presence is taken as proof that thepeerscaredand lives bavebeen touchedbythedeceased (Edelstein. 1984;Hughes. 199 5).
2)Children learn best from concreteexperiencesandthe funeral can most effectivelyprovide such an experience.
3) Thefuneralprovides public knowledgethat someone is really goneand that a death has occurred (Cutter,1974).This helpsthe childinparticular accept thefinality of death (McGlauflin.1996; Osterweiss&Green.1984;Pineetal.,1990 ).The condolencesand the discussionof thedeceasedinthepast tenseat thefuneral.allaffirm the loss, as well (Hinton,1967).
4) Funeral attendanceis a way forthechild or adolescent to be a pan of the grievingprocess (McGlauflin.1996 ). This may help givehimlher a sense of support and belonging when hislher securityhasbeen badlyshaken(Jewett.1982).
5) Observing the expression of emotionthat usuallyoccurs at thefuneral makes it easierfor the childor adolescentto express hislher own feelings (SchowalteretaI.,
4S 1983).Tearsarehealthyfor all agegroupsaDdreleasesofthis~arecentr.l.lto the mourning process(Giacal one&McGrath,1980).
6)[fachildisshutout oftbesc servicesbelsheexperiencesdamaging.scary feel ingsthatbe musthave donesomethingwrong(Jewett,1982).
7)It is a means ofsayinggood-bye.Beingdeniedthisopportunitymaybe harmfulno tonlytochildren butalsoolder children (Gtollman.1990 ), especiallyinthe case ofsudden deathsincethey have littleoppommityto saygood-bye,which may make itmoredifficulttocopewiththeloss(Forward.199 7;McGoldrick, 199 5).
8) Childrenneedto be affordedthesameopportunityasadults so asDOtto reinforcethe chilchm's denial of death (Dyrcgrov.1990).
General ly,itis suggestedthatthe wishesofthechildor adolescentberespected with regardtofimeralattendance. However.ifthey decidetoattcDdthefollowing guidelines shouldbefo llowed:
1)They shouldbe toldwhat to expectatthefuneralservice.Thesame rule applies regardingatten dan ce at awake,cremation, mem orial service. visitationand the burial.Inspecificregardtothefuneralservice thisinvo lves what the room willloo k like,wheretheywillbesitting,whatthey can expect tohearand50on(Giacalo ne&
McGrath,.t980; Hughes.1985;Jewett,1982;Osterweiss&Green.1984;Schoenberg, 1980;Simpson,1979 ).
46 2) They shouldbeaccompanied by someone theylov eandtrust.It is imperative that they notbeisolated during the service becausethisis a time when they need comforting. Nothing is sadderthana child standing aloneat a funeral with no one by hisside during or after the service to providethis comfort (Pineeral.•1976).Itis good for the adulttobold the band of the childsincethe child derives comfort when physically secure (Temes, 1984). Thus, a systems approach which involves family, peersorbothis recommended here.
3) The precisetypeof ceremonymaybe influenced by religious beliefsand socialfunctions;by the wishes of the deceased; the survivors needsandopinions and by community expectations.Infonnation aboutfuneralcustomsandappropriate behavior at different times shouldbeprovided (Simpson. 1979).The more knowledgeable they are the better able they will be to handletheirfeelings ofgrief{Berlinsky&Biller, 1982).
4)They should havethefreedom to leave the service at any time(McGlauf1in, 1996).
5)After the funeral you may seethe child "playing funeral"from time to time.
Thisis completel ynormal andinno waydisresp ectful(Jewett,1982). As suggested in paper one under developmental theory, aunique characteristic of the griefof childrenis thattheylike to act outtheirfeelings physically(McGlauflin, 1996).
